Way to Be.

Naturally, I was always a B student. 80%. Not great, but good. Not the best, but good enough. I am not so proud of this status, but it's who I was, and honestly, who I still am. It comes easy, so why try harder? But lately, I've been aiming for a B in my life…and it's not as effortless as it used to be.

First, there's my plumbing. I had to replace my main plumbing line. My plumber did a great job and this line surely gets an A! But there is fall out....the water pressure in my shower now runs at a trickle rate...the previous owners had kept their water pressure way above code...and now my pressure is legal but my shower is unbearable. And so I thought, if we could somehow get the pressure back to 80% of what it was, that would meet my almost high standards. My plumber adjusted some levels, cleaned up some "Crud" and thankfully, my showers are back to my old standby - a solid B.

Next is my foot. I had foot surgery. It has not turned out. My foot is worse than before surgery and sometimes I lay awake thinking it will never get better. I sound like a stock analyst waiting for the market to return to pre-bunionectomy levels. But just like the housing market, I am going to have to sit on my investment and walk before I run.

And finally, my mother. She has had chronic pain for 2 years which has obviously been very debilitating emotionally and physically. I said to her with supportive optimism that our goal was to have her back at "80%" - 80% feeling good, 80% of her weight and normal functioning level - wouldn't that be wonderful? If someone told me that a B was a sufficient grade with my health, I think I'd probably slap them...and yet I was promoting good enough when great would have been the thing to go for.

I had a music teacher in 7th grade who was all about positive thinking. He had a poster on his wall that said a "C is the best of the worst and the worst of the best." This has always stuck with me. I also know that this same teacher become an insurance agent shortly after I left junior high, so I guess he left the scholastic grading business for another kind of rating system - risk factors and fear. Did he get sick of giving C's? What did he think of B's?

For the 80% to work effectively, there are some criteria. You must give 80% 100% of the time....or 100% 80% of the time....for If you give just 80% 80% of the time then that surely boils down to a C. And we know what that means.

Old habits are hard to break. I must push myself to be a better student, worker and person. My mind may be slightly sharper than in 10th grade, but my 'good enough' will remains deeply intact. And what's wrong with a B anyway? Sometimes a B is the best you can achieve, sometimes it is all you can hope for, and sometimes it is simply Good.

An Age Old tale

My mom's nurse thought I was 25. This was great...until she found out I was 42. And then an immediate shift in the room occurred. Doom and gloom draped over me as I heard the calculations clicking in her head.

At 25, I could walk out the door in my jeans and tennis shoes looking like a kid; at 42, I should really think about dressing more age appropriate.

At 25, she was impressed that I had a house; at 42, she was wondering why I lived alone in it.

At 25, I was a kid stepping up the plate to help her mom; at 42, I was an old maid living with her mother.

"You never married?" That word never has such finality to it!

Well, no, but I'm only 42 and you think I look 25. Something in that equation seems to work in my favor. I felt like the spinster in a Victorian novel whose stoicism and virtue outweigh her looks and charm. Suddenly, I was my age again, but now it felt older than before.

"No, no…I am not married." It was like going home for the holidays and explaining that really, I have a lot of close friends, a very fulfilling career and oh, 2 cats. This thing I perceived as a compliment suddenly backfired into all my insecurities about my actual station in life - and wondering if the train had left it.

I don't know which is worse: looking 25 and being 42 or being 42 and looking 42. Ok, I do know which scenario most people would prefer….but what do I get when someone thinks I look younger than I actually am? Is it mere vanity that makes me happy or do I actually think I have those extra years their mind has tacked on me? Unfortunately, even if we look 5 or 10 years younger than we are (and in this particular case 15, thank you very much) our skin, legs, and eggs are still their actual "born on" age.

The thing is, it doesn't really matter. What people think is not going to change anything except perhaps their expectations. It will brighten my day for a while, but it won't change the facts: I am 42 and somewhere in the middle.